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Old 08-04-2010, 11:07 AM   #1
Dale McPeters
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Welcome boost addict

Welcome to the site Tony!!!
And post some more pictures of the black turbo car so we can all drool over them...
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Old 08-04-2010, 12:42 PM   #2
LeeH
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Originally Posted by Dale McPeters View Post
Welcome to the site Tony!!!
And post some more pictures of the black turbo car so we can all drool over them...
Uh oh, Hide the lawn furniture and the B12!!!!


ROFLMAO

Welcome Tony!
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Old 08-04-2010, 12:49 PM   #3
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Welcome!
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:11 PM   #4
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Lol

I can tell this site is going to be ALOT of fun and will definitely keep me humbled.

Great to be here!
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Old 08-05-2010, 06:14 AM   #5
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And here's the most recent pick of the "turbo car".

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Old 08-05-2010, 07:09 AM   #6
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Welcome to the site Tony. I have heard a good bit about you from Dale..
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Old 08-05-2010, 11:24 AM   #7
Dale McPeters
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Originally Posted by boost addict View Post
Lol

I can tell this site is going to be ALOT of fun and will definitely keep me humbled.

Great to be here!
Yep great group of guy's & gal's on this site....

Now I want to here the real story behind the plastic lawn furniture and the spray cans of B12.....oh and the spider too.........
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Last edited by Dale McPeters; 08-05-2010 at 11:27 AM.
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Old 08-05-2010, 09:08 PM   #8
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You know the storage area on the side of my house? The one where the lawnmower and junk are kept?

Well, the plastic lawn chairs were in there, too. As I ventured in there to get 'em, I noticed a spider web the size of a tuna net spread across the entire storage area.

I'm a fat white guy. I don't do spiders. At all. Ever. Never. Did I mention I don't do spiders? At all?

The culprit was in fact present, it was the size of a small terrier. I swear it was so huge I was looking for a collar on the dang thing because I'm pretty sure the weird kid down the street with the spiked hair and ornament in his tongue would have kept it as a pet at some point. Seriously. We'll call the spider Beefcake for the sake of this story. But the neighbor kid would've probably called him Slash.

Once I discovered it didn't have a leash I calmly retreated to the garage to gather my thoughts.

And the B12.

And a lighter.

Nothing brings fat white guys with spider issues more joy than setting the rat bastards on fire. Lotsa fire. Big fire. On the verge of calling the fire truck fire. Fire and spiders is good. Mmmmmmkay.

Armed to the hilt with my B12 and the lighter I marched right back into that storage area and found the culprit had retreated from the open part of the web into a small part of the web just on top of the plastic lawn chairs. Picture now Kenny Chesney singing "Cold drink chillin in my 6th leg" while the Godzilla of spiders has taken rest in my lawn chair. I'm pretty sure he was sticking his tongue out at me. At least I hope it was a tongue. That's gross, Dale...get your mind outta the gutter. It's a spider for goodness sake.

So, before I continue...let me outline the priorities of fat white guys with spider fears:

#1. food
#2. food
#3. boobies
#4. spiders on fire
#5,654,762. plastic lawn chairs
#5,654,763. any food prepared by mother-in-law

OK, with that in mind you can see there was absolutely no hesitation upon the realization that setting Beefcake the spider's happy ass on fire that the $2.99 plastic lawn chair would in fact be engulfed in flames as well. So be it. Burning plastic stinks, pollutes the environment, emits carbon, and pisses Obama off. Bonus.

I took aim, lit the lighter, and pulled the B12 trigger. Whoosh! Did I mention B12 is highly volatile and that balls of B12 fire are easily wofted back at the moron behind the trigger in the presence of the slightest downwind breeze? I'm not saying that happened. But if it did it would suck. Bad.

Beefcake fell to the ground. Looked up at me and appeared to say "Up yours A-hole, it's gonna take more than..." and at that point I gave him and my eyebrows a second dose. And a third. OK, I lost track of how many doses I gave Beefcake the flamethrower treatment, but lets just say I know what a charcoal arachnid looks and smells like.

As I gazed upon my kill, reassured of my manhood I received a faint...ok strong odor of molten petroleum products. Looking just upward I noticed the $2.99 lawn chair ablaze, smoking in all it's Wal-Mart cheapness and glory. The only thing I could think was "holy crap, they should really fireproof those things 'cause some idiot could kill himself whilst incinerating arachnids". Ok, I didn't really think that but I sure did afterwards. I also thought about my lack of eyebrows as well. But I digress.

Leaping to alert status the only way a 50lb overweight white guy can in the event of self-inflicted arson upon innocent yard decor I grabbed the water hose, took one last look at my creation (it really did burn quite nicely) and doused the flames.

Now, if you ask my wife you'll find that the furniture was just breaking down due to age and her loving husband was kind enough to go to the store and get her some new ones. Made of fire-retardant space age polyester with powder coated metal framing. And a compass in stock. <--- A Christmas Story tribute. You will laugh. Now.

But you now know the real story. The story of the death of Beefcake. And his fiery fall into the ashes of history. Bastard. Build a web in my storage area he won't ever do again!

There, Dale. Happy?

Last edited by boost addict; 08-05-2010 at 09:12 PM.
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Old 08-05-2010, 09:30 PM   #9
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Yep, sounds like you're gonna fit in just fine here! Welcome to the site!!!
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Old 08-06-2010, 06:56 AM   #10
Dale McPeters
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.............

Beef cake is dead!!!

I hope you know I just fell out of my chair at work ruined a whole stack of drawings that I was working on by spilling my 2 gallon coffee cup....and caused the whole office to shut down to come and check on me because of my laughter. Everyone thought I was having a fit and needed an ambulance!!!

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